Back to Work

These last two days have been hard.

Monday was my first day back to work after maternity leave. My mom came to our house to watch Remington. I was good with leaving him and heading to work. All day at work I was so busy that I barely had to time think about not being with Remington. Then I came home. I still wasn't upset about being gone all day. After my mom left and Landon got home, though, I realized how much I had missed him. I started crying again. By this time, I think Landon thinks I'm starting to go nuts with how much I cry. I've cried more these past two months than I have in years. He understands though. I just felt so many mixed emotions. I missed Remington, but I was glad to have a break. I was bored at home, but didn't want to go back to work. I just didn't know how to feel.

Today was worse in the morning. Last night I was also crying because I was nervous about today. Remington went to daycare for the first time ever. I know the daycare person is perfectly capable, but it's hard to let someone you barely know watch your baby all day. I can't wait until I can pick him up again. I was good to drop him off, but cried a little bit when I was in the car and leaving to head to work. It's also hard when people ask me if it was hard to leave him and come back because it is. I don't want to talk about it to coworkers though, because I'll end up crying again. I also know nothing really about daycare. I never went to daycare and don't really know how it all works.

I felt bad yesterday and today when Remington smiled at my mom and the daycare lady instead of looking at me. I now know how Landon felt when I was seeing him smile, but Remington wouldn't really smile at him when he got home. I know in my head that everything will work out and that Remington knows who his mom is, but it's still hard when he'll go to and smile at anyone. I'm going to be a mess when he gets old enough to not want to leave me.