Stress of being home with baby

After my last post my bit of postpartum blues became worse. All most all day Thursday, I cried and felt horrible. I missed Landon so much. I couldn't get anything done all day because every time I put Remington down, even if he was sound asleep, he would wake up and start crying. I also think he's going through a growth spurt because he's eating all the time too. People on Facebook have helped a lot with advice and support. I just feel so overwhelmed.

So Landon told me that Saturday would be a day all to myself. It was my 26th birthday anyway. That morning, Landon and I drove over to my parent's house and left Remington with them all day. We then went to Hutchinson to shop and run errands. Landon also took me out to eat for my birthday. I was also amazed to receive my birthday present of a brand new DSLR camera, a Canon Rebel! Wow! I was not expecting such a great gift. We then drove back home to clean the house and get it ready for Landon's family Christmas at our house next weekend. We then planned to pick up Remington around 8pm or so. Landon's mom was going to drive through Lyons and come to our house anyway, so she picked up Remington and brought him to our house so we wouldn't have to make a trip back to Lyons to get him.

I was glad to have the break and thought I was good and done with being overwhelmed until this afternoon. Remington continues to constantly want to be held. I started crying again, which sucks, because I have never been a crier and I hate it. I called my mom for advice and now I feel much better. She's raised 5 kids, so she knows a thing or two about babies, of course. Just talking to someone helped a lot. For now, I'm good and happy again, but I'll keep everyone updated. I'll also post later about what works to keep Remington happy besides being held constantly. It's not bad to hold him, it's just that I can't get anything done and he has to get used to not being held. The day care lady can't hold him all day and that's coming up in a couple weeks, which is a whole other stressor that I'll wait for later to discuss...

Another One Of Those Days

Most of the day today I felt incredibly overwhelmed caring for Remington. I've cried twice so far. I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, should be doing, or how anyone let me be responsible for this little person.

I worry about everything- milestones, weight gain, breast milk production. I also think about what it was like before Remington, even if I didn't do anything all day, I miss it. I miss Landon and being able to spend alone time with him. I think about how nothing will ever be the same. I wonder if it was a good idea to have a kid. Yes, I know it's too late for that and we both really wanted kids and still do. I love Remington, and I can't wait for all the fun times we'll have, I'm just super overwhelmed right now. I even think that if teenagers and other people who really shouldn't have kids can take care of a baby, then surely I can. I don't know how people do it though.

I'm sure everyone has days like this, but no one ever tells you about them before you have kids. I knew that I would struggle with these first couple months, I don't really like babies before 6 months and would not even hold young babies. In fact, I'd never changed a diaper before I had Remington.

There have been times today (when I ended up crying) where this sense of helplessness, and feeling of not knowing what I'm doing becomes too much. I guess this is what they call baby blues too. I can't wait until Remington gets older and less dependent on me holding him or comforting him or feeding him constantly. By then there'll be new challenges...

Not Doing That Again

Starting last Thursday, I started taking Reglan (metoclopram) to increase milk production. I will not do that again! The side effects were just too much. The bottle said that it may cause drowsiness and dizziness and they weren't kidding. As soon as I took the first pill I stared feeling really tired. That night I was super tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. I just layed in bed with my eyes closed.

Friday I kept taking the pills like it said- one at every meal and one before bed. All day I was tired and tried to sleep but couldn't. My eyesight was also a bit blurry. I went to bed early that night while Landon took care of Remington so I could try to get some sleep. It didn't work.

On Saturday, Landon and I wanted to go to Wichita for Christmas shopping because we knew it'd be our last chance since Landon has to start working overtime again. I didn't feel any better, but thought maybe having something to do all day would help. On the ride to Wichita I could barely keep my eyes open, but still couldn't fall asleep. When we walked around the stores I had trouble seeing- it was like my contacts were in the wrong eyes or something. I felt awful. This was also the first time we've taken Remington out shopping and around all day. We left at 8am and got home at 5pm.

We brought the stroller along to take around the mall and plenty of milk and diapers. We feed him in the car at Target. That was an experience, We could've stayed inside and even used Target's family restroom, but we didn't. Don't ask me why. The stroller fr the mall was a great idea. The car seat is such a pain to carry around and I didn't really feel like using the sling. It was a pain to get around in some stores though. Mall stores do not have wide aisles, especially when they're packed with Christmas shoppers.

Back to the Reglan, I took another pill at lunch time (we just ate at the food court in the mall) and continued to feel really drowsy. When we got home, I started feeding Remington again. I was using the boppy and holding him on my left side. My shoulders were really tense and when I tried to relax them, it was like muscle spasms were making them tense again. It was especially bad in my right arm. It was scary and really upset me. I started crying (apparently the emotional stuff hasn't completely gone away yet) and told Landon what was happening. He took Remington and I went to take a shower to calm down. I wasn't going to take any more pills. Landon was worried about me and made sure I didn't fall in the the shower (he thought it sounded like I did when I kind of drug my foot getting out and hit the side of the tub). I was supposed to take the pills for 10 days, but I haven't taken one since then. It's just not worth it. Now that I'm not taking the pills I feel great and back to myself again. Now if we could just get Remington to sleep better...

Sleep and Lack Thereof

Everyone always tells you that sleep is gone with a new baby in the house and the number one question people ask me is how Remington is sleeping.

For the first few weeks, sleep wasn't that bad. Remington probably would've slept through the night if I didn't have to wake him up every 3 hours to feed him. When we struggled with feeding this was hard too, because Remington would eat for 30 minutes to a hour and then I'd have to try to go back to sleep only to get up in two hours. It sucks that you have to count the 3 hours from the beginning on one feeding to the beginning of the next.

Then, around 2 weeks Remington started not wanting to go to sleep. He is still like this now. Once we get him to sleep the first time then we're good, but it takes hours for him to get to sleep in the crib the first time. Like Landon said, no one tells you that you don't get any sleep with a baby because you're never able to go to bed in the first place. Remington just cries and cries until finally after usually 3 hours he falls asleep. We try everything from feeding him again, checking his diaper more, and sitting and constantly putting the pacifier back in his mouth. He'll be asleep, but as soon as he looses the pacifier he's wide awake.

With the supplementing, he started sleeping better until last night. It took 4-5 hours to get him to fall asleep. I'm exhausted and so is Landon. Landon took him for the most part last night because this new medication that is supposed to increase milk production is making me drowsy and dizzy. I wonder if it's worth it. I feel so tired, but when I try to lay down to sleep I can't. Ugh, when will it get better?

Praying for Weight Gain

One of the few times you want someone to gain weight is for Remington to at least get back to his birth weight. Well, he's almost there.

After going into work this morning for an IEP meeting (yeah, during my maternity leave time) that was rescheduled from Monday after the parents were no shows, I took Remington into the doctor for a weight check. The nurse had me undress him down to his diaper again (like at every weight check) and put him on the scale. I was relieved right away when it read 7 lbs 9.5 oz. Yay! Remington is a half ounce from his birth weight. He still needs to gain more though to get up to where he should be at a month old. The supplementing is working! The doctor came in a told me that it's good that he's gaining weight again. She wrote me a prescription for Reglan, which is a drug they give for morning sickness, but it also increases milk production. I'm supposed to take it 4 times a day for 10 days. I'm also to continue supplementing, but only give him the bottle if he acts like he wants it. In 2 weeks, I'll go back to the doctor and we'll see how Remington is doing.

I'm so glad he's doing better. He's also sleeping better after the supplementing too (more on that in a later post).

In other news today... While I was at work, my brother and sister watched Remington and the house. We've been needing to finish out our basement before everyone comes over for Christmas, and mostly needed someone to install carpet. We bought the carpet and pad, but needed it installed. We finally found someone and he came over today at 8am. I got back home from work and the doctor around 10 and he was completely finished with the installation! I was impressed, it only took him 2 hours and $175. I'm glad we found him and didn't do it ourselves. We still need to do some touch up work before it's ready for the holiday, but it's so much further now. Today was a good day!

Catch Up

It's been a while since I've posted. The holidays and new baby leave no time to blog. Thanksgiving was fun. My mom's side grandparents and Landon's grandparents got to see Remington for the first time.

Remington still isn't gaining weight like he should. I called the doctor today and asked if I could just stop by and weigh him. The last time he was weighed was 2 weeks ago. I stopped by the doctor's office and Remington weighed 7 lbs 3.5 oz. That's 1/2 ounce less than 2 weeks ago. Our doctor came in and told me to start supplementing with formula. Instead of me feeding him for 30 minutes every three hours, I'm supposed to feed him for 10 minutes on each breast then feed him 2 ounces of formula (if he takes it- I'm not supposed to force it down him). I'll take him back to the doctor on Wednesday to see how he's doing. I hope the supplementing works.



Remington has also developed a case of baby acne. I feel so bad for him, he looks like a teenager. There's nothing you can do for it, so we'll just wait for it to run its course. My youngest brother also had baby acne when he was little.

Friday Random -New mom thoughts

*While I was pregnant I wondered if I would still feel the baby kick during labor and contractions. When I went into the hospital and as I suffered through contractions I was still able to feel Remington kick. At one point, he positioned himself so that his butt was clear up in my ribs on my left side. Around that time I got the epidural and I don't remember feeling him kick after that.

*I never had morning sickness while I was pregnant. I never even felt nauseous. While in the hospital, though, I puked twice from the pain of the contractions. Luckily I hadn't eaten anything since 6pm the previous day.

*I don't understand all the fuss over Twilight. The book was not that good or well written, in my opinion. I've been a fan of vampires and supernatural fiction for a while, and I was not impressed. I like vampires that have the same qualities they've always had, not ones that "sparkle". Give me Anne Rice and Lestat any day.

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Random 10 Friday Tunes:

1. Tush- ZZ Top
2. Dopes to Infinity- Monster Magnet
3. Don't Talk to Strangers- Dio
4. Like A California King- Everclear
5. Where the River Goes- Stone Temple Pilots
6. All She Wrote- Default
7. Cumbersome- Seven Mary Three
8. Twister Transistor- Korn
9. Everyone I Love Is Dead- Type O Negative
10. I Will Buy You a New Life- Everclear