Most of the day today I felt incredibly overwhelmed caring for Remington. I've cried twice so far. I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, should be doing, or how anyone let me be responsible for this little person.
I worry about everything- milestones, weight gain, breast milk production. I also think about what it was like before Remington, even if I didn't do anything all day, I miss it. I miss Landon and being able to spend alone time with him. I think about how nothing will ever be the same. I wonder if it was a good idea to have a kid. Yes, I know it's too late for that and we both really wanted kids and still do. I love Remington, and I can't wait for all the fun times we'll have, I'm just super overwhelmed right now. I even think that if teenagers and other people who really shouldn't have kids can take care of a baby, then surely I can. I don't know how people do it though.
I'm sure everyone has days like this, but no one ever tells you about them before you have kids. I knew that I would struggle with these first couple months, I don't really like babies before 6 months and would not even hold young babies. In fact, I'd never changed a diaper before I had Remington.
There have been times today (when I ended up crying) where this sense of helplessness, and feeling of not knowing what I'm doing becomes too much. I guess this is what they call baby blues too. I can't wait until Remington gets older and less dependent on me holding him or comforting him or feeding him constantly. By then there'll be new challenges...
