Back to Work

These last two days have been hard.

Monday was my first day back to work after maternity leave. My mom came to our house to watch Remington. I was good with leaving him and heading to work. All day at work I was so busy that I barely had to time think about not being with Remington. Then I came home. I still wasn't upset about being gone all day. After my mom left and Landon got home, though, I realized how much I had missed him. I started crying again. By this time, I think Landon thinks I'm starting to go nuts with how much I cry. I've cried more these past two months than I have in years. He understands though. I just felt so many mixed emotions. I missed Remington, but I was glad to have a break. I was bored at home, but didn't want to go back to work. I just didn't know how to feel.

Today was worse in the morning. Last night I was also crying because I was nervous about today. Remington went to daycare for the first time ever. I know the daycare person is perfectly capable, but it's hard to let someone you barely know watch your baby all day. I can't wait until I can pick him up again. I was good to drop him off, but cried a little bit when I was in the car and leaving to head to work. It's also hard when people ask me if it was hard to leave him and come back because it is. I don't want to talk about it to coworkers though, because I'll end up crying again. I also know nothing really about daycare. I never went to daycare and don't really know how it all works.

I felt bad yesterday and today when Remington smiled at my mom and the daycare lady instead of looking at me. I now know how Landon felt when I was seeing him smile, but Remington wouldn't really smile at him when he got home. I know in my head that everything will work out and that Remington knows who his mom is, but it's still hard when he'll go to and smile at anyone. I'm going to be a mess when he gets old enough to not want to leave me.

Go with your gut and randomness.

So, here is the story of my two visits to potential daycares.
1. The first place is two blocks from our house and licensed, so I thought they would be a great place. When I walked in, the house was alright. Not messy or unsafe, but not nice either. It was an older house and didn't look very updated on anything. The lady was super nice though. I really liked her and she had adequate credentials. The main problem was that she wanted money for the entire time to hold the spot. That would be $400 a month for 6 months of the kid not even being there. That is not good. So, she was put off as a last resort kind of spot.

2. The second place was a little further away, but not bad. It's also right across from a small park. I walk in and the house is perfect. It looks a lot like our front rooms with antiques and very clean. Needless to say, the kids are housed in the basement not there. Anyway, this lady is older (almost 70), but super nice. I stayed there for almost an hour just talking to her and watching her interact with the kids. She had 3 two year olds who were required to ask nicely for snacks, etc. She also had two older kids that day who were required to occasionally help out with the little ones. I was amazed when the two year olds were told they had to put up their nap mats before they sat in their chairs for snack, and they actually did it. She's also constantly using GermX and making the kids use it too (I will so be doing this- grad school made me a germ a phobe). Right away I'm loving this lady. Then she says that she doesn't want any money to hold the spot!!! And she only charges $100 a month (vs. a week)!! Amazing! So, I let her know I was interested (even though the original plan was to talk to Landon first-I'm sure he won't mind) and we have the spot. I'll call her when the baby is born and then in January to set up an actual start date.

I am so amazed that we were lucky enough to find this daycare person. I know, that I'll still have to see how it goes when our kid is actually being cared for, but I'm excited. Also, she used to watch the kids of a co-worker, so that's a plus too. Anyway, I'm glad that after this little stressful time of trying to find someone, I'm pretty sure we hit gold. Yay!

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Random 10 Friday Tunes:

1. De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da- The Police
2. Round Here- Counting Crows
3. I Think I'm Paranoid- Garbage
4. Unemployable- Pearl Jam
5. The Song Remains the Same- Led Zeppelin
6. Come Sail Away- Styx
7. Like I Love You- Justin Timberlake
8. Mr. Richard- Timbaland and Magoo
9. Find Another Girl- The Hives
10. I Disappear- Metallica

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Please pray for my sister. She's been in the hospital since yesterday. She's been feeling sick for a couple weeks now and went in with a fever and cough. At first they thought it was a sinus infection, but now the doctors aren't sure what it is. They've been testing for everything from Tuberculosis to lung cancer. She's been feeling better, but pray that they find something minor and she gets better soon. Love you sister!

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Ooops, had to edit this post since I forgot to include the random picture from my camera (can't have a post with no picture, that would be crazy...). Picture from the wedding I attended last weekend.

Will anyone watch my unborn baby?

Ugh, childcare searching sucks. I did find out that the place that was rude to me isn't taking any kids under a year old anymore. Something must have happened and that's why they were rude. Bad thing is that since they aren't taking anyone, every other place is full. I stopped by the Chamber of commerce and they didn't have a list of providers because they aren't chamber members. However, she did give me a website and phone number to call for lists. It's called ChildStart (http://www.childstart.org), and they had some places that I could call. Also, since my mother in law works for SRS, she asked coworkers if they had suggestions. So, I then at least had a short list of people to call. After calling around today I found two home based day cares that have openings. I'll stop by and check them out tomorrow. I don't really know what I'm looking for but I want to see that it's clean (well, as clean as a day care can be), that babies are sleeping in cribs on their back, that it's safe, and that the care giver is nice. I'm not even worried about cost anymore, it's been so hard to even find someone. Even if I find a place I like I know I'll always worry about what's going on there and if my baby is safe.

Yesterday I went for our previously scheduled gender check sonogram. We didn't cancel this appointment just because it was free and we would then get a second opinion and another sonogram. Anyway, it's still definitely a boy. My next actual doctor appointment is next Thursday. I can't believe summer is almost over. I don't want to go back to work. It'll be weird too, because the last trimester will be spent at work while I've been relaxing and enjoying the easy 2nd trimester on vacation. It's going to be stressful. I'll have to do a lot of scheduling of IEPs so that they won't be during my maternity leave. But, what if the baby comes way early- then I'll be even more stressed. There's just too many unknowns that you have to work, or try to work around.